Friday, July 24, 2009

Ten reasons why Steak-N-Shake is the best place to be at 2:00 in the morning.

I just met the new "Patrick"-

Now, let me explain.If I find a young lad attractive in any way,shape, or form they will most likely fall into one of these two categories:
1. They're skinny, tall, and nerdy.
2.They look like the lead singer from Fall Out Boy.
Sad, yes...but oh, so very true. Patrick Stump is the one man I would marry on the spot if he approached me with a ring and a promise that I could have his beautiful, nerdy, shy be-speckled babies. As most of you know, I'm an insomniac- which means my body refuses to shut down anywhere before 5 and 7 in the morning. So what do I do to kill the extra hours I find myself awake? I go out in search of caffeine. Most nights, I'll drag anyone willing to come with me to Lakewood, where I'll smoke myself to sleep and drink copious amounts of awesome coffee. But tonight, I decided to drag Cait with me- a well deserved break after dealing with her extended family's ten thousand dogs,all of which coincidentally, want to hump my leg at the same time. Our destination? Steak-N-Shake.
I parked the trailblazer and we wandered inside to find the waitress who recognized me as a bi nightly regular,sat us without hesitation, and began to make a fresh pot of coffee. It was in that moment that Cait tapped me on the shoulder and pointed towards a couple of lads sitting at the counter. "look! he looks just like Patrick!" she whispered pointing directly at the lad seated closest to my field of vision. And lo, and behold- he did. From the sideburns right down to the thick,black square rimmed glasses. I stared freely at this point, as the lads were playing their check and wandering outside, and for one heart wrenching moment, I thought I was too late. But then something happened. The lads stopped directly out front and lit a cigarette a piece.
Cait and I exchanged one solid look, and I removed the last cigarette from my pack and bolted outside in time to pat my pockets convincingly and shout "Do either of you have a lighter I can use?" Ah, the perks of lung cancer. Of course the other lad offered up the Patrick look-alike's lighter [which was RED!] and started a conversation, introducing both lads as "two best friends named Joe". We spoke for about forty-five minutes before they departed on their way back to Kent [score] where they both resided [double score] and went to school [score x3].

The moral of this story: Stake-N-Shake is the answer to ALL of my prayers.

Until next time, stay classy kids.

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